Thank you for your birthday messages and well wishes! They bought a smile to my face! I had a nice day, a quiet one which suited me fine and a nice sushi lunch and family time. I've been told to reserve my energies for the weekend ahead which I am doing...clueless as to what is happening...(what are you people doing?!)
Today was a quiet-ish day too, after a long assessment with yet another doctor/head of Options...*drops head into hands*...Less said the better but boy, how many mistakes can medical professionals can make and still expect their patient to be "ok" with it?!
Im so fustrated by things at the moment, so many unresolved issues that I cannot put to rest or move on from for various reasons. Im also I guess sad as over time I realise I wear my heart on my sleeve (apparently) and put out alot of love and effort for individuals but over time gotten less and nowadays nothing in return. And they expect me to be ok with that somehow! The moment I kinda pull back a bit and put some distance in order to preserve myself and heal a little, I get told how out of order that is...what planet are you on?! You cant take someone's love/efforts and not give something back somewhere along the line?! *crosses arms and shakes head* I thought for a long while "maybe it's me being silly" but that old feeling...that gut feeling I use to listen to before and ignored for so long, is creeping back and I'm now sure I can stand by what I say. Friendships and love and many types of relationships is a two way thing, it can't be 50/50 in reality but it can be give and take.
If someone made an effort for you, its fair to say you should make an effort back and if you don't for good reasons, then that is a message that you decided that person isn't good enough for your time/effort etc...so expect them to eventually shrug and walk away, you pushed them away!It's your lost!
The fustrating thing at the moment is I've got no way of dealing with this or no way of knowing how to react or simply carry on so I dwell a little more than I wish to on things like this. It hurts truth be known, it hurts and I havent done anything to recieve it (that I'm aware of...!).
Its easy to blame someone else for your actions/comments but everyone has a social responsibility in this society and eventually you'll run out of blame to place elsewhere and you'll discover the blame lies actually with you. Your actions and reactions are done only by you and accountable by you.
I grew up with that and I've encountered people who say "I'm like this 'cos I had a hard life/people are mean to me/ bullied/overweight/etc etc and so on" Fine, I respect that but unless you actually have a disability/circumstances dictate that affects communication/behaviour (and sometimes not even then!), I will treat you generally the same as everyone else. Everyone has a hard life, some more so than others, what so special about someone who says that demands me to treat them any differently? I'm deaf...so? Apart from communicational and sometimes some behavioural and social difficulties, that's it. We all fought for equality so everyone when it comes to their behaviour is treated more or less the same.
You're overweight? So?
You're in a wheel chair? Doesnt give you the right to be rude!
You're the victim of bullying/crime etc...I'm sorry to hear that, hope you're ok but please don't use this as a reason to allow yourself to become selfish and thinking the world owes you something...it doesnt!
It's easy for me to rant and rave but remember too, that what I say is my opinion but it's also one that is mostly reflected in society. Otherwise we'd all be walking around with huge chips on our shoulders and snarling at the next human we pass in the streets!
And I too have to abide by this as well, as much as it bothers me from time to time!
Of course we all slip up from time to time - thats where we need to step forward and say sorry.
If someone isn't talking to you or being a little off around you, just take a moment and think. And if you're still stuck...why not ask?
I hope to post something a little more up-beat later on!
sorry for the rant!